Boy, it’s been a while. Sometimes the real world
gets in the way, not to mention a lack of internet access at home. I’m back,
though, and hopefully I can make my posts a bit more regular here.
I’m borrowing some sound advice from our good
friend(s) over at Query Shark. To quote from her post #125 which is linked
here: Query Shark #125
“Remember the
formula: Who is the hero/heroine? What choice does s/he face? What are the
consequences of that choice/not making the choice. That's what your first
paragraph should cover.”
I’ve
since had my own query looked over by a number of my friends at the online
writing community of which we are members and they’ve helped me, along with the guidance from Query Shark, to
get it pretty darn close to where I think it needs to be.
Here’s
my current query letter (247 words). Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
Dear Mr. XXXX:
Glass
City is an island metropolis off the eastern seaboard that hides a dark world
beyond its guise of transparency. June is a photography major returning to her
prodigal home to attend the university at the beckoning of her childhood
boyfriend. She doesn’t know that he is a minion of the city’s vampire brood
with plans to recruit her for her potential abilities. After her transformation,
she hopes to confide in David, one of her nerdy floor mates, but he has his own
problems to face when his soul is ripped from his body by a coven of warlocks
to make him into a reanimated homunculus slave. The city’s werewolf pack is
also on the move to increase its numbers, forcing June and her new vampire
family to go on the offensive. The warlocks take advantage of the chaos run
amok in the city and initiate their ultimate plan to revive their demon
patriarch.
June
is torn between saving her homunculus friend, befriending a new werewolf
recruit, and forcing a renegade warlock to face up to her crimes, all while
attempting to determine what her new identity should be. Is she a deadly vampire
assassin, or can she still be June? This unlikely crew of mongrel creations must
survive the chaos created by their respective clans if they expect to escape the
darkness of this blood diamond of a city.
GLASS
CITY is an urban fantasy novella complete at 40,000
words. I thank you for your consideration.
Nicholas Mena
[contact information]
I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but since you asked, my only suggestion would be to make it shorter, like this:
ReplyDeleteGlass City is an island metropolis off the eastern seaboard that hides a dark world beyond its guise of transparency. June is a photography major returning to her prodigal home to attend the university at the beckoning of her childhood boyfriend. After her transformation into a vampire, and her nerdy floor mate, David, becomes a reanimated homunculus slave, June and her new vampire family to go on the offensive against both a pack of werewolves and a group of warlocks planning to revive their demon patriarch. June is torn between saving her homunculus friend, befriending a new werewolf recruit, and forcing a renegade warlock to face up to her crimes, all while attempting to determine what her new identity should be. Is she a deadly vampire assassin, or can she still be June?
GLASS CITY is an urban fantasy novella complete at 40,000 words. I thank you for your consideration.
Thanks for this comment. Definitely some stuff to consider
ReplyDelete